My name is Amanda. I’m 19 years old, and I’m one of the moderators here at Fatting Around. Chances are, this is the first time you’ve seen me. In fact, I know it is.
It’s the first time that anyone’s seen me.
Looking at these pictures, I think it might be the first time that I’ve seen me in a very, very long time.
My sister and I started this blog because we are fat (of course)- but it was (is still) more than that. We started it because we were hurt, and we were angry. We started this blog because Sarah was sick of other people’s words whispering in the back of her mind, telling her that “Fat girls have to take what they can get.”. We started this blog because I was sick of starving myself, tired of counting every calorie I consumed like it was my life’s mission. She was sick of being turned away by doctors, and I was sick of my body being treated like a joke.
But mostly, we were sick to death of hating ourselves. Of watching each other cry and being able to do nothing to wash away the shame pressed on us simply for daring to take up a little bit of extra space.And so we started this blog, hoping that by watching other people learn to love themselves, we might somehow catch on, and learn to love ourselves, too.
It’s harder than you might expect, loving yourself. Especially when there are so many people around you telling you that you don’t deserve it. From random assholes on the street screaming ‘thunder-thighs’ at me as I walk by to my father reminding me every night how ‘pretty’ I could be if I’d just ‘lose a bit of weight’, it feels like my whole life has been a constant barrage of people telling me all of the things wrong with my body, and, by extension, the things wrong with me. Recovering from that isn’t easy. It’s long and it’s slow, and some days are worse than others. In the beginning, I swore it would never be anything more than an uphill jog through wet cement. But it’s getting easier now. Slowly but surely (thanks to a combination of this blog and the undying love and support I receive from certain friends) I find myself gaining confidence. I’m doing things for myself now that I never would have dreamed of before.
Six months ago, these pictures would have made me cry. Looking at them now, I’m able to find things that I like, even if I’m not quite capable of loving the whole just yet. I’m getting there, one day at a time, and slow progress is better than no progress at all.My name is Amanda. I’m 19. I weigh 205lbs, wear a US size 14-16, and I’m hoping that one day I’ll be able to love every inch of this body I’m in.
Here’s to us, you guys. I’m rooting for all of you.
Please remember that you’re worth it.
Love, me.